Oct 23, 2012

In desperate need of some sanity!

Whew- the time is flying by. Two weeks and nothing is changed, and everything is the same.

We are still in limbo, hoping settlement goes through next week.

We are secretly hoping it gets moved a week, so the physical act of moving is easier for the both of us (and please, don't remind me that we've known about the settlement date for two months. I know. Oh boy, do I know. Maybe someone else pretends not too?)

I know all I do is complain lately. I'm trying to find good in all of this-  I really am. Except, I'm not sure what good fighting with my husband does. Or being so emotionally and physically tapped out that I could cry most days... Or missing the boys' homework, after school things, and bedtimes.

But there are good things going on... maybe not just with the house. I have helped my Mom purge the kitchen cabinets. We ended up with two boxes for the thrift store. We even have empty shelves right now!! It's easy to clean out stuff when it isn't yours, when there are no senitmental memories attached to random ashtrays that someone used to use. I am very practical in lots of ways, and getting rid of junk is one of them. When my Mom waffles, I say "give it to me!" And it goes in the circular file!

I have also had the pelasure of watching my oldest son ride in his first show- in the Walk class. Like, walk only!! It was so sweet!

So honestly, hang in there with me. Say some prayers for me, shoot me some love. I could use it. That, and a little sanity.

Oct 14, 2012

On Being Plagued- and Letting it GO!

To say things are not going very smoothly with the house would be an understatement. Things just keep coming up. Last week, every single day brought a new dilemma. I cried a lot. I felt a little like Job (I know, grossly exaggerated, but true). How was I supposed to keep my chin up, confident that things would turn out OK and that we were doing the right thing, when I kept getting heaping helpings of crap?

I mean, I'm a good person, right? I try to live my life the best way I can. I say my prayers. I treat other well. I help out whenever I can. I am grateful for my family, my job, and the roof over my head.

So, WHY OH WHY, does so much seem to be going wrong? Do I look at it as a sign that we aren't doing the right thing? Have I not been listening enough, not paying attention to His whispers, His taps on the shoulder? Do I take it personally and come to the conclusion that this must be punishment for something...

Well, I could do that. I could go by the idea that God controls every little bit of my life and has His fingers in everything. That all of this negative stuff is piled on because I deserve it.  I mean, I really do believe deep down that God is not really interested in punishing us. I believe He is more interested in us growing in Him. But, there's that little bit of doubt wiggling in the back of my head.

Nope. Instead, I chose to look at it in the "God helps those who helps themselves" vein of thought. I realized that I was holding on tightly to the idea of "what we should sell for" "what the house is worth" "why this" and "why that" blah blah blah. SO tightly that I was white-knuckled, hand-cramped, sweaty, fearful and breathless...

And then came the epiphany... with a little help from Shannon... and listening to Him. I realized that holding on wasn't the answer. It wasn't about the "what ifs" and the "what do we do nows?" It was about understanding that there was another direction to go, another way to look at all of the problems.

Chris and I let it go. We opened our hands (figuratively), and our hearts (literally) and let it go. We punted the whole thing back to Him. We realized that we had to let go in order to go forward. We were held back by our own desires. We were caught up in the whole process... You know when you walk into a spiders' web, and it wraps around your head, and you spin and spin, arms whorling, hands flailing, trying to get it off? Yeah, it was like that. But, once we freed ourselves from the stickiness, we took a deep breath and walked away. Emotionally, we just let it go, and it was freedom!! It was like all (ok, just some) of the stress immediately lifted. I felt like I could breathe again. We realized it was OK.

I'm not going to pretend that the whole thing has been easy. But it sure has been eye-opening. We still have closing to get through, but we are really focussed on what comes next!

So tell me, what are you holding on to??

Hugs, Lee