Things sometimes go by quickly, sometimes slowly. But they pass just the same.
If I had written this post last week, it would have been vile. Filled with self-pity and utter grouchiness. Some of it fueled by hormones (yes, there is a definite pattern which I despise). Some of it fueled by loneliness. Yes, profound loneliness.
I have always been fairly independent, being the oldest child and all. My Mom once told me that she never worries about me, because she knows I'll be fine. For the most part, I am. I can handle a lot, I really can. I just knuckle down and do it, one foot in front of the other.
But there are times I feel let down by friends. Please, please don't tell me to call whenever, to ask for help- and then be too busy. Don't even offer. You aren't doing me any favors. It just hurts my feelings. Then it pisses me off.
But then I rethink it- maybe the fault lies within myself. I know rationally that I shouldn't take such actions personally. But man, does it sting sometimes.
So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am listing some things I am grateful for:
1. a roof over my head. It's big, and ugly, and lots needs to be done. But it's here, and it's ours.
2. my children. They are happy and healthy. They are royal pains at times. They are all-consuming. They are wonderful and fresh and funny. They have stinky feet and wonderful hair. I love them.
3. my husband. He is away for 5 months in a diving program. He has left me a very full plate, juggling too many balls. Buy he left in order to make things better for us, his family.
4. my husband coming home on the weekends. It is short, sort of bittersweet in a way, only really spending Saturday together. But there are military families all over this country who don't even get this. I can hug and kiss Chris, even if only for a day at a time.
5. my family. I have a good family, even though they are far away. Some people out there have no one. They are lonely and displaced. I'll be your family, just give me a call.....
6. my health. I take care of very sick people at times. I took a man outside yesterday for the first time in 52 DAYS. It was AMAZING. The breeze blew on his face. His wife beamed. We snapped pictures on cell phones and sent them to her family. It was priceless.
There is a lot more. Lots and lots more. Thank you God.