I've been feeling out of sorts lately. Not really depressed, just not... not something. You know what I mean? The summer is passing by so quickly. Already it is July. Where did June go? The weather has been odd- hot, and then rain and cold, cold cold... now hot and humid again. I've hardly taken any photos this summer. My boys are growing up before my eyes and I'm not capturing it on film. Or should I say memory stick... I have pages and pages of scrapbooking to do, documenting their lives and mine. So they won't forget. Or maybe, to help them remember.
Anyway, I measured the boys today, marking the passage of time with the stroke of a pen on the doorway. My babies are boys. And I am over 40. Hmmm. Where does that leave me? Feeling old, out of shape, with too many gray hairs, and not enough time. Time.
I was hoping to have sold the house by now. Please St. Joseph, help me get the job done. I am ready to be gone, gone to the great north, in an old home, dreaming of paint colors, gardens, and things to come. Finding a school for the boys. Finding a better job. Finding out who my in-laws are, really.
I am not ready to go, for other reasons. My parents are getting older, having troubles that I don't want to think about. I don't want them to get old, with knees and hips that don't work. Financial worries courtesy of JW and the war on nothing. A house in need of repair. Too many weeds and too many animals.
I'd like to say I'm hopeful. Like to, but... This too shall pass, some of it anyway.