Jul 1, 2009

Waxing Philosophically

I've been feeling out of sorts lately. Not really depressed, just not... not something. You know what I mean? The summer is passing by so quickly. Already it is July. Where did June go? The weather has been odd- hot, and then rain and cold, cold cold... now hot and humid again. I've hardly taken any photos this summer. My boys are growing up before my eyes and I'm not capturing it on film. Or should I say memory stick... I have pages and pages of scrapbooking to do, documenting their lives and mine. So they won't forget. Or maybe, to help them remember.



Anyway, I measured the boys today, marking the passage of time with the stroke of a pen on the doorway. My babies are boys. And I am over 40. Hmmm. Where does that leave me? Feeling old, out of shape, with too many gray hairs, and not enough time. Time.



I was hoping to have sold the house by now. Please St. Joseph, help me get the job done. I am ready to be gone, gone to the great north, in an old home, dreaming of paint colors, gardens, and things to come. Finding a school for the boys. Finding a better job. Finding out who my in-laws are, really.


I am not ready to go, for other reasons. My parents are getting older, having troubles that I don't want to think about. I don't want them to get old, with knees and hips that don't work. Financial worries courtesy of JW and the war on nothing. A house in need of repair. Too many weeds and too many animals.


I'd like to say I'm hopeful. Like to, but... This too shall pass, some of it anyway.

3 comments:

gypsywoman said...

i ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY know what you mean about not feeling depressed but SOMEthing! i've had the bug for a few weeks now - and finally came to attribute it to the dark dismal dreary weather here all last month - which also means that i missed most of june cause it was pouring down rain every day and night - and if not pouring, looking as if it were going to be any moment - and i am SO impacted by the weather - sun sign and all and a true one at that - in any event, your note hit home with me - but today is a bright sunny warm day - yea!!! and yesterday was too - with a wonderful breeze off the atlantic - so - here's to divine summer days wherever we are! jenean

CINNIBONBON said...

OooOOO girl Hang it. We all go through our speels. I like to blame the weather personnally!! Just hang on a bit more and things will come to order and you will find peace and tranquility in your life again.
I say go surround yourself with the things you love and block the rest out!!!
Get some crafty mojo going!!

XOXOXO

Coleen said...

One of my favorite quotes is "behind every storm cloud the sun still shines" .. I think there is a bit of what you are feeling going around these days....I think its a feeling of "uncertainty" not sure if that is word...but, that sums it up for me!