Apr 15, 2010

Slowing Down and Cutting Back


Lately, I have found myself becoming overwhelmed. Like most of you, it's not one thing- but many.


1. It's still a big adjustment, moving away from my family. I miss them. I miss home. I miss knowing where things are, where I fit in.



2. The kids, who are the biggest blessing I have, are tough at times. Both are at an ages where they are trying to be independent, choose their own way, and ignore mommy. I try to give them responsibilities, let me choose when they can, and try to understand the outbursts- but it ain't easy. LOL. And surely, I'm not telling you anything new!

3. I just started a new job. I have been an Open Heart nurse for 10 years, at the same insitution. Now, I'm moving into a new, much smaller, insitution, with a combined ICU. It should be interesting.

4. The darned chickens I ordered. So excited to get them, and so not ready.


So...... I gave myself permission to not be the "be-all, do-all" kind of mother we all find ourselves trying to be and- I cancelled the chicken order!! I am disappointed and relieved. Maybe next year.
So this leads me to a few conclusions- ones we all know but forget about:
1. It's OK to be overwhelmed. I don't need to be perfect. The trick is to figure out what can either be put off or cut out.

2. I don't have to be everything to everyone. Really, I don't.

3. It's OK that my kids make me nuts sometimes. It is who they are at the moment. I need to remember it's not going to kill them if they eat cookies for dinner, if they forgot to change their underwear, or if I let them argue it out. I need to remember that they will be little for such a short, short time. Childhood is fleeting.

4. In the same vein, I need to not loose my cool and step back and try to figure out why they're doing whatever it is that is making me pull me hair out.

5. Hugs work wonders. Sometimes when the kids are cranky and screechy, I have them come sit on my lap and cuddle for a few minutes. The contact calms both of us down, and many times I find out the real reason for the fighting.

So, tell me what you've recently learned? What you've recently given yourself permission to do, or NOT to do. Tell me about you.

hugs- Lee

14 comments:

Tam said...

OH where to begin..LOVE LOVE this post!

What Have I recently learned..it would take to much space to write about it here and I have not wrapped my head around it all.

I have learned recently how far I can be pushed before I push back.

I have learned that if someone does not love you then it is not the end of the world.

I have learned that when things get hard that your friends have your back even if they are states away.

I have learned that so many things do not matter anymore as long has I have my boys.

I have learned never to get so comfortable that you miss things around you that you should be paying attention to.

MY boys are just like you described in your post...YOUR post made me realize that maybe it is a brother thang...LOL..

YOUR post is timely and made me feel very good today!

vera said...

Definitely a timely post for me !!

My office is still a mess and I am trying to tell myself to take it easy. It is not working so well for a Type A like me!

Trying not to feel too burned out by our Big Dumb House either...but I hate not having it all done...

so...maybe I just need to go lie down with a book. :-)

Gigi said...

Extremely timely post! Thanks for the reminder!!

Sarah said...

I love this post! My boys are just like yours - always bickering, causing headaches and some days just plain old make me want to pull my hair out. I sometimes think they were born just to drive me nuts! But then of course they will go and done something when I think I am at my limit and it will melt my heart.

Being a mommy isn't easy and we are always the go-to person for everything from kisses to peacemaker and everything in between (including thinking we are a made of money).

I have recently learned that I don't always have to be the go-to person. By encouraging my boys to go talk to their dad more often, he has been becoming a more hands on parent (which of course I appreciate) and that means a better relationship with their dad.

natalea said...

i hear you alright!! I am lucky because I don't suffer from guilt! that's why I'm as sane as I am! So there's my answer! I don't try to be everything to everyone- just keep my priorities in place and go from there- but with lots of fun and laughter paving the way. You HAVE TO have fun...it's the key!
best to you Lee! hang in there and le loose a little more, and oh- have a glass of wine of course!
xo natalea

Karen said...

OH Lee! Thanks so much for this post. It is the same for me, feeling lost in this new to me state and home. far from family and friends and sick hubby to deal with. Me the nurse who takes care of everyone and tries to do it all...rambling on sorry but I truly get it all. Just ease back and try to enjoy each moment, life flies by and your boys will be grown and gone before you know it. Big Hugs, Karen

Lori said...

Lee, i worked for eight years in a combined ICU...we did everything except cardiac surgery...i started there right after graduation...and it was a great experience...i would probably still be working there if it wasn't for the girls who called themselves the "A" weekend...uggggh...you can't be everything to everyone...i tried that...and i ended up being nothing to myself...

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

Such wisdom!

What have I learned?
To pick my battles. I've been overwhelmed of late, too...and I've had to let non-essential things fall to the wayside, to make room for what is REALLY important.

I'm not sure I'm succeeding, but I'm trying!

Have a wonderful weekend!
Anne

CINNIBONBON said...

Hey girl...

I'm with Nat...I don't suffer from guilt either. Never have...hehe. But of course I can surely understand not having enough time in the day to get most accomplished. The last few years I've given up on a spot free home and have settled for a clean and tidy home...that buys me a lot of free time. Plus I don't watch TV. I know you have to young ones...girl try to get a teenager from the neighborhood to lend you a hand even if she just sits downstairs with the boys while you craft quitely upstairs for a few hours. I think if you bring back some creative time you will start to feel like your old self again and everything else will fall into place!! Thinking of you!

ramsam said...

A mantra I repeat when necessary....

"I have the space and energy for the fullness of my life..." it helps, most days.

I have just given in to the fact that it is okay to climb in bed and read, watch TV, or nap while the boys are busy. I have no problem doing these things alone, but it is new for me to do it now that the boys are older and don't need me around. I am telling myself it is okay....

Andrea - Faded Plains said...

Ah....boys...my thing...I'm always saying...can't we all just get along...lol.

Tracey said...

Hi Lee! Looks like you've drawn some very insightful conclusions! I feel overwhelmed all of the time...life for me {for anyone with young kids} is just so chuck full trying to fit everything in...I just do my best to fit it all in and if something falls by the wayside, well, that's just life! As long as it's not the love and affection for my children, then anythings else that doesn't fit into a busy day is ok!!

Hugs ~

:) T

Julie Pishny said...

Hi Lee,

I am behind in my blog reading...how did I miss so many wonderful posts? I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is "catch it quick" when you are overdoing it and you have - well done. I am giving myself fresh flowers this year and making exercise and eating right a priority. I'll let you know how that works out in a few months...right now I am still getting used to making lifestyle changes.

I am proud of you and your courage - it takes raw steely courage to pick up and move to a new place and start over...you are one of my heros...

I too, want chickens, but like you the timing is just not right for me. I am going to contact an Amish family to see if they will supply me with fresh eggs until I can have some hens of my own.

Glad you are starting the new job it will help you connect with new friends in Maine.

Now off to catch up with your blog...

Hugs - Julie

The Little Red Shop said...

Hi Lee! I saw your sweet comment on Heather Bullard's blog. Thank you! I've thought about you and wondered if you'd found your farmhouse. I'm looking forward to reading more about it. May God bless you through all of your new adventures!

Have a beautiful weekend!

: )

Julie M.

ps I love the quote from one of your more recent posts about not having to do things the way they've always been done. Oh, and my mom and I are hoping to make it to the Farm Chicks' show this year on our way back from the Midwest. Will you be attending?