Dec 29, 2009

I am 42

I have been feeling the need to be creative lately. Painting and gluing are very soothing for me. They are magical de-stressors. But it's hard to do right now, everything in boxes... but that's why I need to get messy and full of paint and glitter. The other problem is that I have no direction right now.

So, I read one of my favorite blogs this morning, Ornamental, and Nina has embarked on writing 55 things, for reasons of her own. Very interesting reasons... go see. I love her blog, love her writing style. After reading her blog, I often have words and ideas swirling in my head, stream of conciousness, snippets of poems, thoughts. I don't write them here- thinking you, dear reader, may not be interested. But, that may change my friends, I'm warning you...

So, since I am 42, I am going to write 42 things. It may start here and end here. Or maybe not. It might take me awhile.

1. I am 42 years old. I am not happy that my face and body are aging.
2. The changes I see lately aren't pretty. Stress makes my face and lips thin and pale.
3. I am happy, sort of. I like who I am. Like my creativity. Like my profession.
4. I am wondering WHY OH WHY did I agree to move? I am not happy here. No yet, anyway.
5. I have spent a life time making the same mistake over and over again- the idea that I must be fair to everyone. Have I made that mistake again??
6. I need to excercise and workout.
7. It's too cold to even be outside, much less take a walk.
8. Maybe I'll just run the stairs in my house- I have enough of them!
9. I want to really launch a business this year.
10. I want 300 followers, each of them loving my blog and shops, buying up the lovely things I find or create.
11. I am excited about KC Willis' online workshop to help get me there.
12. Is it hubris to want to be a household/online name?
13. I love being a nurse. Taking care of people has it's own rewards.
14. I love taking care of really really sick people. It's an adrenaline rush.
15. My last boss was really awful. It made working painful. It caused all sorts of physical problems. I was scared to go to work every single day. Why is it so many really unqualified people are in management? My last boss should be fired. Seriously.
16. I hated my last job. It was super busy, but not challenging enough.
17. I sometimes think that I should take less-demanding job, so I have more time and energy to be a good mother and wife.
18. I am not getting any younger.
19. I love my husband, really, truly and deeply love him. He is my rock, my solace, my funny bone. I get him. He gets me. Mostly.
20. Good friends are hard to come by.

OK, more later. What's your list going to have on it? hugs- Lee


Lori said...

Lee, i am sorry to hear that you still aren't happy about moving...i hope you will be soon...i hear you about the changes of aging...i will be 44 here shortly, and i am not very happy about what i see when i look in the mirror, so i try not to...

she dreams big! said...

So many of the things you wrote would be on my list too! Happy Birthday! Mine is next week but at my age, I just call it 'presents for me day'! Connie

Lynnae said...

I'm your same age and I see in your list a lot that I've been thinking about. Wrinkles starting, aches, and to my dismay, the vision seems to be changing pretty fast. But I'm so much wiser than I was 10 years ago. I have to just keep telling myself that!
Happy new year and I hope your new home grows on you!

Julie said...

Lee, you are an avid reader, and I want to ask if you have read anything by Sylvia Borstein? If not, let me know and I will send you a couple of books that I have finished that spoke to me about all of the things you are feeling right'll be amazed to know that all women feel this way...Sylvia soothes the soul, gets your feet grounded and you will be creating again - better than ever.

Linda K. said...

I do like your blog header, it's simple and clean. But with mine I'm wanting elements, like a 3-D. Nice post here. I'm following.Thanks for stopping by REB. BTW..We moved to Arizona a year and a half ago. I hated it the first year, the heat, being so far from my extended family. I am slowly getting to like a wee little bit. We came here to be near our grandchildren and get away from the frigid winters in Wisconsin. I miss it tho. Anyway, the longer you are there maybe the more you will like it. Humans really don't like change.

Robin's Egg Blues

Tam said...

Thank you for sharing your list! It is making me think!!!!!! HUGS!

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is so lovely to read, I feel I know you more now than ever before. Thanks for all the glimpses into a complex woman.

Spring will come. I just know it. (I'm wrapped up in a shawl my bestest friend gave me for Christmas and I'm STILL freezing.) And then you will love the new area, get out and explore and twirl with your face to the sun.